Low Self-Esteem- How Does It Show Up? and What Can You Do About It?

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Low self-esteem, causing us to have a negative perception of ourselves and, creating a lack of confidence in our abilities and self-worth, will have a profound impact on all aspects of life, including in our work, and our overall well-being, but it particularly shows up in our relationships.

Causes of low self-esteem include:

1. Childhood experiences such as abuse, neglect, criticism, or unrealistic expectations

2. Traumatic events, such as a loss, injury, or relationship breakdown

3. Constant negative self-talk, such as criticising your own appearance, abilities, or worth

4. Mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, or body dysmorphic disorder

5. Social and cultural factors, such as bullying, discrimination, or living in an environment where self-worth is tied to material or academic success

Low self-esteem can have a significant impact on relationships.

There are several ways in which low self-esteem can impact our lives, but in the therapy room I mostly see its impact on relationships: romantic relationships, family relationships, and friendships.

Low self-esteem causes us to believe we are not good enough and it affects how we form and maintain our relationships. It often leads to feelings of insecurity and a constant need for reassurance and validation from partners. And it creates a difficult cycle, where we are judged as being, or we feel, 'needy', which causes further feelings of fear of rejection and of not feeling good enough; and round and round it goes, creating, as it does, a significant level of anxiety.

Some of the ways in which low self-esteem and not feeling not good enough can show up include:

1. causes us to have overwhelming anxiety;

2. we might not be good at setting boundaries or asserting our needs in relationships;

3. the insecurity it brings can lead to feelings of jealousy and possessiveness, and

4. it can cause us to stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships.

The feelings of low self-worth and the anxiety that that brings with it can negatively impact relationships and make it challenging to form and maintain healthy, fulfilling connections with others.

Feelings of low self-worth form part of our belief system about ourselves, so they won't just pass off. It might be predictable for me to say this, but therapy can be a powerful tool in addressing and overcoming low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can be a complex issue with multiple contributing factors and so my work involves helping clients to identify the root causes of their low self-esteem, exploring how it shows up in their everyday lives, and then doing the work to heal and build their self-esteem, to ease the feelings of not being good enough and, importantly, to ease the anxiety that it has caused them to feel.

Here are some ways therapy can help:

1. Identifying root causes: Therapy can help individuals understand the root causes of their low self-esteem. This can include past experiences, traumatic events, or negative self-talk.

2. Challenging negative thoughts: Help individuals identify and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs about themselves. They can also teach coping mechanisms and positive self-talk techniques.

3. Improving self-awareness: Increase self-awareness and help individuals understand their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. This can lead to greater insight and self-reflection.

4. Building self-confidence: Therapy can help individuals build self-confidence through goal-setting, visualisation, and other techniques. It can also help individuals identify their strengths and focus on their positive qualities.

5. Improving relationships: Low self-esteem can impact relationships and therapy can help individuals build healthy relationships by teaching them effective communication skills and conflict resolution strategies.

For me, the most important of those is awareness. When we gain insight and awareness, we can choose to step away from the beliefs we held about ourselves, which can allow us to change how we feel about ourselves, and from here we can begin to feel happier in ourselves, to feel we are good enough, and to finally begin to enjoy the good and healthy relationships we want and deserve.

Anne Lewis

If you would like to work with me, or to discuss any of the above, you can get in touch with me at anne@annelewistherapy.co.uk